5. Don't eat all day
Basically without any food in your stomach the alcohol has a straight shot to your bloodstream. If you think about it metaphorically your bloodstream would be a freeway, your stomach would be a freeway ramp, the alcohol would be a speeding car, and any food in your belly would act as a speed bump. Without a speed bump on the freeway ramp to slow down the speeding car, you get drunker faster. Success!
4. Thin your blood
Studies have shown than the thinner your blood the drunker you will be, I should know I'm a scientist. The thinner your blood the faster your body can metabolize the alcohol through it. Just start poppin some aspirin or whatever you have around your house, just make sure you don't take anything with acetaminophen in it. I think that can kill you. Success!
3. Get the Liquor Faster!
Disregard any fears you have about killing your liver. If you don't care about anything else except for getting drunk your guaranteed to get drunk fast. Remember even if you destroy your liver, you can always get a new one put in. Success!
2. Don't lolly gag with that beer in your hand, bong it!
Bonging beers is almost the best way to get drunk faster because it enables you to consume and entire beer in 2.348762 seconds. Bong a six pack every 15 minutes and your brain won't know what hit it. And if your really in a hurry, bong a bottle of cheap vodka. Not only in this method fast but it's easy on your wallet to. Plus you'll most likely get to spent the night in a comfortable hospital bed while all your dumb friends are sleeping on the floor. Success!
1. Have a sex change
We all know girls get drunk faster than dudes, it's science. Not only do they metabolize their drinks faster but every dude within a 10 foot radius of a chick at a bar will buy her a drink. Instant Success!
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